It was a sunny Saturday like this when I was first shunned. I was walking through a park and saw my friend's son, who was about 8. It looked like he saw a ghost. His face changed and he took off running for his home.
That is how I knew they had read my letter and made my decision to leave official. I felt very sad, but I knew I had made the right decision. The second shun was from a childhood friend. She saw me and did a one eighty and hightailed it. It was terrible to feel like a piece of refuse she could cast aside so casually, and it stung.
There is nothing to prepare you for this. But I promise it gets easier. As you untangle yourself from the web of control, it gets easier to shed the teaching that says you deserve this. It's easier to make new friends. It's easier to not care, and to identify conditional love when you see it, and it's easier to feel pity for those who have to cut you out of their lives. You begin to realize that they are not free, but you are.
Hang in there if you recently left. You are going to have a lot of firsts.Your first shun stays with you. But so do all of your first tastes of freedom. Cherish them. Let them sink in.
Let it sink in that you can now walk into any building, for any reason. You can watch any entertainment you choose. You can make friends who you have things in common with. You can say any words and express your feelings freely. Dress how you like. Get rid of things that no longer hold meaning.
There will be a lot of good first things. Let them sink in.
My blogs take on all topics related to recovery, including commentary on the intersection of spiritual abuse and current events.
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